A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped. Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lo vely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."
Warning this may put you off chocolate bars for a while.
A man in Germany is enjoying his chocolate bar when he notices something strange bump.
No it wasn’t a but but part of a human finger!
“He found a fingertip, complete with fingernail, right in the middle of the bar,” said a police spokesman in the town of Mainz, close to Frankfurt.
“I suppose it went unnoticed because there were nuts in the chocolate and it was hard to tell the difference,” the police spokesman said, adding the fingertip was being examined by forensic experts.
I'm a Paladin with +18 charisma and +97 Hit points. I can use my Helm of Disintegration and do 1d4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his +5 Holy Avenger. Over the past several months I have been courting a lovely Rogue, and my efforts have finally paid off. Next week we will be meeting each other in the mortal realm, and I am somewhat nervous. I want to make sure she is pleasured so she can pass on word of my sexual prowess to my guild. Can you explain(in detail) how to have sex with a woman?
A:
Dear Ye of questionable truths,
Of all the 100's of emailed questions I get weekly, yours struck me as
tops in the pathetic department. Sex with a woman is one of life's
most complicated and difficult tasks to embark on. It takes time, patience, a sense of self worth, love, fortitude, and above all honesty. How can one satisfy another if they themselves can't be honest with what they desire? The answer is that's impossible. If you yourself can't be truthful, then how can you expect truth in return. Why is honesty so important here? First, Paladin's cannot use the Helm of Disintegration. Also, as a Paladin, your charisma max's out at +16. With your proposed partner being a Rogue, there's no way the high counsel would ever approve such a union, as it could lead to various birth defects, not to mention potentially the 3rd coming of the second age of the Wharf Turtle Anomaly(Morturom Demonto: Section 14 Article A). Your nervousness is completely understood if you know the stigma of Rogues. Perhaps you've heard in the whispers of the Woods of Galfynmor about the ancient art of Rogue gender morphing, or worse, the drip of the Piney Forrest Elves? No?
Oh young Paladinwan, you have much to learn.
- Sir Bishop
Level 63 Dungeon Master
Keeper of the Rainbow Robe
Wielder of the Shaft of The Flaming Falcon
Seeker of the Chocolate Starfish
High Chancellor on the Council of Man Speak
