An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some tests. When the results come in, the doctor calls the old man in and says, "You'd better sit down. It's pretty bad." The old man, naturally, gets all nervous and asks, "What is it, Doc? Don't hold back -- just give it to me straight." "Well," says the doctor, "you have cancer and you have Alzheimers." The man replies, "Wow. Well, at least I don't have cancer."

Q: submited by S.P.

Dear Bishop,

Recently during a trip to a local "rub 'n tug" an unexpected thing happened. While receiving the "rub" portion of my visit the aging Asian therapist accidently tooted. Her "release" abruptly brought me back to consciousness as the sounds of the seas were overpowered by her audible event. She knew there was no way to mask it, so she proceeded to rub her belly and say, "Ooh, Tai food." Then she quickly opened the door to the tiny room. Obviously, the "tug" portion of the session was tainted. My question to you is should I have I left and refused to pay rather than staying around for a stinky tug job?

A:

Dear Flatulence Hobbyist,

What would seem "unexpected," is in fact a common occurrence during the practice of "rub and tugs" (or "plug 'n tugs" for that matter). Detailed accounts of this event type have been dated as far back as Neanderthal cave writings. Even the historic people of ancient Egypt have eluded to the common rub and tug, and the practice of "gassing the John." What few people know or fail to realize, is that spicy gas expulsion is in fact a proven aphrodisiac. The hot methane gas from this young Asian woman's gut, only differs from human pheromones by 2 Hydrogen atoms! Therefore, not only should you have not left and refused to pay, you should have tipped extra her for keeping with an ancient "rub and tug" tradition.

-BISHOP


Have a question for Bishop? Send them to bishopp-@hotmail.com